Because Love Is better than Hate, Joy is better than Pain
Truth is sometimes we must go thru trials and Tribulations, Pain and suffering
To be able to Grow, to build Faith, to appreciate Joy when it comes, Love when
It’s given, it’s easy to believe in a higher power when things are going good
But how many fully believe when things are falling apart? How many believe that there is
In fact, light at the end of the tunnel when you can’t see it? I can’t see a lot of the miracles that
God has performed in my life. But, I do look at everyday as amiracle. I have Goals, Dreams and Aspirations but my main focus is to be better than I was yesterday. To Grow Mentally, Physically and Spiritually.
To let my mother know that her hard work & unconditional Love was and is not in vain. Her selflessness, the values she has shown and instilled in me will not be discarded.
Because I have always been a good person at least I would like to think so, but I spent a lot of my life with resentment, disappointment, anger and loneliness. As I sit here and write; I smile and rejoice because although I am still single, I am not lonely, I am not alone. Although I still get moments of frustration and my life is not where I envisioned it would be. I am not angry, I don’t feel disappointment for I know it’s not where I necessarily want to be, but its exactly where I am supposed to be. I had resentment mainly towards my Father because we didn’t have the relationship a father should have with his son and vice versa but before he passed; I felt like I was able to let go of that resentment. I felt like we were finally making an effort to communicate, who knows maybe he knew his time was coming. I am thankful and grateful for that.
Because I lost out on many opportunities in relationships withsome great women and I use to put the blame on them for the relationships not working out, but that’s not right I can only blame myself. I blame myself because as confident as I am, I didn’t value myself as much as I valued the one I was with or trying to be with. I put women on a pedestal and there is nothing wrong with that, what was wrong was that I should have put myself on a pedestal right next to her. I was always searching for a Queen or a Princess, yet I didn’t view myself as a King or a Prince. I wanted and tried to love deeply when at the time, I didn’t fully Love myself and for that I apologize to the women I dated. I for a long time put the blame on them for cheating on me, for not giving me a fighting chance, for taking me for granted, when in reality they aren’t to blame at all. All the heartache and rejection was necessary. I would have never found myself nor would I have ever learned to love myself because I was so caught up in being loved and looking for someone orsomething to make me happy when my happiness was in me all along. I believe things happen for a reason, everything serves a purpose whether we understand it at the time or not. I put so much pressure on myself and forced things that should never be forced. I wanted what I didn’t need, and would on many occasions find those who needed me but did not want me. I was very angry and frustrated on that fact until I understood that, I was losing myself in the process of trying to find someone. I had to go through all that to grow in my faith and learn to Give more, love more and Live more for the right reasons and know that everything else will for in place as it should. I had to help those who could not help me, I know to give and not expect to receive. Do I want and miss having someone? Of course I do, I miss the companionship, the random messages, the deep conversations and their warmth when in my arms. But the truth is I do not, I should say will not trade that for my inner peace. I will not trade it if it means it will pull me away from getting closer to God. I after all these years, found happiness, despite my imperfections I can say I am truly happy with who I am and the daily growth that I have been pursuing. If I find or am sent someone who can add to that happiness by all means, I will not push that away. Do I feel that I can be the man/boyfriend I would like to be? No not really. I am the romantic type and like to do romantic things, too many things have to be in sync at the present moment for me to say that I can truly invest and give to a woman all that she deserves, I will be honest I don’t think I can. I am still focused on my self-improvement and I do not think it will be fair to myself any woman. I believe in God’s timing. So, if and when he says its time then it will all make sense, It would just flow, it will not be forced and it would not take away from my growth, it will only add to it and me to hers.I realized that no one can open any door God has closed and no one can close any door God has opened.
So, when you ask what for?
My answer is to live in God’s purpose.
My Thoughts Written Down
Vibin with Positivity
Can I Live?